You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
