if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
