Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Operation Purity has been aborted
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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