The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
