chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
