my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
