Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Found your dick twin last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
