My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
