I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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