Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
