I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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