You're my little dorito
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
