he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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