Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize