its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
