mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
