i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
