Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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