you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
