You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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