no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
