All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
