You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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