I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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