what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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