Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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