I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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