in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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