you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
