just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
