My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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