my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
