kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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