i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize