I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
