ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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