Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
