She's JV to your varsity
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
