why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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