Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
