As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
