New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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