I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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