Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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