You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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