cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
