last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
