dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
