I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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