can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
