You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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