Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
