Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
