casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
