be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
