it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
