it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
