TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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