You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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