lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
