So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
this will be a night to untag.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
