I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
