dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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