Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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