time to smoke my breakfast
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
