just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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