thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
