I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
