Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
