His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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