She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
