saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I will be naked everywhere
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
