If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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