bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
