honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
These tits shall not be calmed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
