Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
