so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
