how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
