I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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