new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
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They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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