meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
