I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
