There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
